If you think of all the members of the animal kingdom and were to pick a couple that by no means necessary could be used for military purposes, which ones would you pick? Koala bear? There's a good choice. Unless there was a skirmish that required the slow methodical removal of eucalyptus leaves, Koala bears would be a good choice. Owls? Yeah, I doubt owls could be used for military purposes. Unless you wanted to interrupt your enemies slumber with their incessant "hooting." Aigh! Stop the hooting! It is driving me insane! I surrender! How about dolphins? You know those happy little fish mammals, the ones that like to jump through hoops and balance balls on their noses? What purpose could they have? I mean what are you going to do? Strap sensors to their fins and have them search for underwater mines? Ha! Preposterous! The military would never do anything like that! Excuse me? They are? Who? The U.S.Navy? Oh really! Oh yeah that's a great idea! Hey why don't you get some sea lions too. You could teach them to attach clamps to enemy divers during their undersea terrorist missions. Beware the deadly sea lion. Huh? You're kidding me. They're doing that as well? Who is? The British Navy? Good grief! What is the world coming to? Is nothing sacred? I mean if we're going to go this far, why don't we put pigeons in all the tanks to warn us of possible chemical attacks? Pigeon starts to look a little bit woozy, better put on those gas masks fellas! That would be hilarious. Huh? It's not hilarious? Why not? Oh, they are putting pigeons in American tanks to warn them of possible gas attacks. You know that's actually not such a bad idea. I hate pigeons. You know instead of just using one, they should cover the entire tank with pigeons. The Iraqis might think they being attacked by some new secret weapon."

"Yasin! What is that on the horizon?"
"It looks like a flock of giant birds? But they are flying quite low to the ground."
"Yasin, those are not birds! They are tanks!"
"Nabonasser, they cannot be tanks they have numerous feathers."
"Feathers of doom Yasin! Feathers of doom!"
"Nabonasser, what are you talking about?"
"The Americans have finally done it Yasin! The have created flying bird tanks!"
"Aiiieee! The prophecies have come true!"
"Run away, Yasin! Run away!"
"Nabonasser, wait for me! I do not want to be pecked to death!"

Can't we just leave the animals out of it? I mean come on. Dolphins searching for underwater mines? Sea lions attacking terrorist scuba men? Doesn't this seem a little too James Bondish or maybe I should say Austin Powers. Sharks with lasers attached to their heads. I mean I'm all for using whatever means to protect the troops from harm, but are our military scientists that lazy? We can fire missiles from hundreds of miles away that can be specifically aimed at Saddam's bathroom for crying out loud. We can build bombers that are unseen by enemy radar. But instead of trying to invent some kind of robot or sonar device that could possibly undertake these dangerous missions for us, the military decides it's a lot easier to get helpless animals to do the work for us. Strap rocket launchers to the backs of turtles, cuz you know they got that natural armour and it'll save us bit more money on the defense budget. While you're at it why don't you try strapping bombs to the backs of bats and fly them into Baghdad? Heh, heh. Oh wait, they already tried that in World War II. It's true. Check the link below.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/2839155.stm

Got Something You wanna say to this Guy? Say it Here!

or mail to:christian@boldopinion.com

Click here to see more articles by this Author