The Gospel According To Brewage
I am not usually one for initiating conversations about religion. That is extremely dangerous discussion territory (although at times also equally engaging and fertile). Most people have strong personal views on this subject and when differing opinions are expressed, a proper meeting of the minds is rarely achieved. To avoid frustration it is best to stay clear of talks of the religious nature. However, once in awhile religious topics present themselves that you just cannot ignore. I have stumbled upon just such an item that I feel compelled to comment on. No, this is not my take on the issue of Catholic priests diddling young boys. This is not another entry in the endless debate between evolution and God. Nor is this yet another wisecrack filled rant along the lines of "Scientology- What's the deal? I mean have you heard this stuff?" No my friends, this is something all together different. I have come across a new philosophy. A new congregation. A new religion you could say. And I felt driven to testify to you faithful reader about this new group. I want to introduce you to the Beer Church.

Before we start…let me answer your first three immediate questions.

1) Yes, this is for real.
2) No, I'm serious, this is not made up. It's real.
3) Listen, I'm not shitting you, there is an actual Church of Beer.

"Because Beer is good and you are worthy."
www.beerchurch.com


The Beer Church is a loosely connected group of beer drinkers who's philosophy is that people are good and want to help make the world a better place. Beer is seen as the conduit or catalyst for making this happen. This unified association, through the use of beer, hope to affect positive social change. Based out of Seattle and lead by director of operations Kendall Jones, Beer Church claims to have over 40,000 members across 26 countries. Think about that, there are over 40,000 people who are actual members of a Church of Beer? Who go to Beer Church charitable events and spread the good word of beer. Is that not wild? These just aren't folks who like beer. Or even really like beer. This just isn't your pot bellied uncle or your roommate from university. Just because you drank eleven cold ones last night doesn't make you blessed apparently. These people are very serious about their affinity for beer. And I quote "Beer Church represents the "something larger than yourself" to which you belong by virtue of your very personal love for beer. Beer Church is about the one thing that we all have in common, regardless of all of our other differences. Something we all believe in. Beer." Something we all believe in? People believe in beer? I must have missed that the last time I funneled a Heineken.

People who join the ministry…ahem…can go through the process to be ordained a Beer Church minister. Reach for the stars! Man's dream has finally come true. As a Beer Church minister you must devote yourself to the ministerial vows including "Drink beer and like it" and "Make beer church proud of you". Don't you think if I have taken the time to go through the steps, regardless of how brief, to become a "Beer minister" that I might actually kind of enjoy beer? Isn't that an inevitable certainty? "I drink beer but I hate it….yuccchh. But it's a small sacrifice because it got me this fancy certificate." Drink Beer and like it? Does that even need to be a vow for these people? It's the Church of Beer for Bud's sake! Come on now. (*As requested by the Beer Church, the word God has been replaced with Bud) Even better, we are also informed that those who are ordained Beer Ministers can potentially perform legal wedding ceremonies. Now if and when I am at the altar with my bride to be and the person performing the ceremony is wearing a Beer Church t-shirt I may have to question the validity of this union. Being married by a Beer Minister? A ship captain isn't looking so bad now.

I don't know whether to be amazed by, dumbfounded, or afraid of the congregation that is the Church of Beer. I honestly still can't believe that such a thing exists. That a group of people somewhere were serious enough to devise and maintain an organization that would promote the goodness of beer. Someone had the time and effort to do that? It was that important to them. In a way you have to admire that. And ultimately you can't fault a group that wishes to make the world a better place. (Also, it should be noted that the Beer Church does promote responsible drinking) It never ceases to astonish me how much people just want to belong to something. And more so, how much people need to believe in something. Even if it's beer? But a part of me though thinks what a colossal waste of time. However, I suppose depending on where your head is at, you could think that of many organized religions. Wait, don't get me started on that. Someone pass me a beer.

...but that's just my opinion.

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