Ready To Blink
A year has passed since the terrible events of September 11th 2001. A day that shattered our small little existences with an impact the likes of which has not been felt in generations. A day we were made aware that the threat of death and destruction were close to home. A day we realized we share our world with monsters. Where before we were inattentive to such matters, in an instant, we were now painfully cognizant as if shaken awake from a deep sleep. From that event forward, despite the stress, we have all remained endlessly vigilant and watchful. Constantly immersed in a bizarre mix of pride and terror. So here we are a year later, with our heightened sense of security, a raised sense of awareness nearly bordering on paranoia, and residues of intimidation on our lives activities still hanging. So it's September 11th 2001 + 365 days and the threats continue, the coverage increases, the enemies and targets seemingly multiply by the day, and I am officially burned out.

I am tired of worrying about when is the next time, where will it take place, and how will it happen? I have grown weary of the lingering anxiety and agitation. I am exhausted from constantly being bombarded with the images, the updates on the terrorist witch hunts, and the continuous speculation. I tend to ignore the headlines, change the channels, and flip by the pages. When it becomes a topic of conversation, I feel the need to insist we talk about something else. A colleague recently asked my thoughts on the allied forces new campaign to now go after Hussein and target Iraq. I could provide no response as if fatigued, like I had been sapped from the year of absorbing all these ominous details. On this the anniversary of September 11th, I have become totally drained. I don't want to worry about this anymore. I want to concern myself with life.

Some might call this selfish but I prefer to think of it as a "lifeish" way of thinking. It is painfully obvious that the world we live in now has changed or perhaps we were just made more aware of the way it has always been. Terrorist threats have always existed and will unfortunately continue. Trigger happy people in power will continue to make decisions about the ways of war with or without our support. I am not trying to be insensitive and this is not a question of not caring, because I feel for all those that have lost loved ones, here and abroad. It is more a subject of caring about what is important and that is life. I want to be involved at my work and be fulfilled in what I do. I want to sit at a restaurant with friends and enjoy equal amounts of exotic cuisine and engaging conversation. I want to get lost listening to my favourite music. I want to retell old stories and create new ones. I want to have one too many drinks with her. I want to be transported away by a movie while I sit glued in a theatre. I want to travel and explore places I have never been before. I want to spend time with my family and talk all at once. I want to hold my niece's hand as we walk outdoors and she tells me about her ballet classes. And I want to do this without feeling inhibited. I want to do all these things free of the fear that has been cloaked over me. I know not worrying about something won't make the problems go away, but I am tired of being consumed by these thoughts. There comes a point when you have to tune out all the noise. And I want to forget about September 11th. Life is too short…

Since the events of September 11th 2001, our eyes have all been wide open. I think now, a year later, I am ready to blink.

…but that's just my opinion.

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