Ambitions: To work with sick animals and to become a total beach bum!
Turnoffs: Acid Jazz, bad taste in shoes, dishonesty and -- most important -- litterbugs!
Turn-ons: Rock-and-roll music, nature, stability, and a man who can be a complete ASSHOLE!

Women like jerks. Period. Fini. End of story. There is no ands, ifs, or buts on that one. No matter what women tell you about liking guys with a sense of humor, sincerity, or thoughtfulness, at the end of the day what truly attracts a woman to a man it seems is them being an unreliable dickhead. It may not always be a conscious decision on a woman's part, but they continuously keep falling into this type of pattern. Regardless of how women may dispute this fact, and there are many that do, this theory continues to be proven over and over again. Women like assholes!

There is no truer phrase then "Nice guys finish last"…or perhaps more appropriately "Nice guys finish DEAD last". This is an unfortunate certainty further proven by the fact that this phrase is so widely known and used. To be told you are "nice" from a woman is courtship poison. You are dead. Men who opt to be kind and sweet are not going to get ahead…figuratively and literally. Women are a strange sort. They continuously and meticulously detail the attributes that they want, nay, need in a man, throwing around descriptors like kindness, understanding, and passionate however we know this isn't the case. Women may believe and ultimately want a man that possesses these and other super sensitive qualities but strangely gals seem to be attracted to men that let them down, lie to them, ignore them and disrespect them. I don't know…you figure it out?

I have a girlfriend that has been going out with a guy for a number of years. On her most recent birthday, he (who we will now call asshole #1) didn't get around to calling her to send her birthday wishes until after 6 pm, and during this tardy call claimed "I forgot, I didn't think about it until I overheard this guy from my work saying he had better call his Dad for his birthday". Wow, good recovery Romeo! So what did he do to make up for his little memory lapse? Flowers, chocolates, diamonds? Nope, nothing. And then he went away for the long weekend for a guys only getaway. I wish I was making this up or for that matter embellishing it, but I am not. Do you think she'll break up with him? God no, this will likely only fuel her desire more.

It truly is a backwards way of thinking. Girls will long for the guy that stands them up instead of the guy that that is THERE and remembers the intricate details of their lives…like say, their birthdays? It is like love on the bizarro world? If I don't return her calls and ignore her out in public…she will totally fall in love with me. Me so happy.

Women I believe mistake this flippant type attitude for confidence. Men who come across uninterested seemingly appear more sure of themselves. What this gets down to is women, and most men, love the "challenge". I don't know where this quality develops that we desire what we can't have even if in most cases it is not worth having? I suppose this is the whole forbidden fruit theory. Things that come easy just appear boring. For true desire to manifest it appears there always has to be a chase. And we all know a good chase scene always needs a bad guy.

Now I understand you don't want to play your cards too quickly. Being aloof somewhat helps the spice of romance. Mysteriousness has always been an important ingredient in the brew we call love. But damn if it's not frustrating to think that sometimes you are losing out to these assholes. And it is quite annoying that despite our so called maturity that we still play these stupid games. Because guess what, chases and challenges are games people! However, the most irritating part of all this, is this type of behaviour shows no sign of stopping. So what advice can you give a guy? Well based off what we have learned I will give it a try. Gentlemen, if you truly like a girl, don't be too nice, cancel plans from time to time, ignore her often and if you get the chance, cheat on her…it drives them crazyyyyy!

…but that's just my opinion.

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