Now let me start out by saying, I don't watch this show, I've watched it once before and was really unimpressed, but I just had to watch this special. The commercials leading up to the airing of this special were just perfect. They showed enough of a preview of this spectacle to get me interested enough to sit down and subject myself to a half hour of hell.

So the premise is, Anna Nicole is having a Christmas party and we're all invited. Right off the bat this show starts out bad. It's like 2 hours before the party and Anna Nicole and one of her homies are already wasted. They've got jello shooters that look like cock's and an ice sculpture of Anna's boobs that they do shooters off of. Yep sounds like a classy affair.

The thing is Anna Nicole is trash, she was never meant to have money, and now that she does we are all subjected to watching her make a complete ass of herself. Her party garners a few mid celebrities, people I'm sure who don't necessarily like or know her, they just want to be on the show. Kathy Griffin, Margaret Chow, even the wrestler formerly known and Chyna are all here.

A few hours into the party and Anna is now a complete fucking mess. Her lipstick is smeared all over her face, she sees Margaret Chow about to leave and decides to give her a kiss. They end up frenching for like 5 minutes and Anna falls into the wall finally letting go of Margaret. Meanwhile Anna's Attorney Howard is making a total fucking idiot of himself to Kathy Griffin. I mean it is uncomfortable to watch this guy looks so bad.

But all of the above only scratched the surface; the real treat was Anna's cousin Shelly. Oh my god, this woman must have literally hoped on a bus from the trailer park. She has no teeth, her blonde stringy hair is chic only in heroine circles and man is this woman a psycho. Anna has these puppeteers at her party; they use their dicks as puppets, and entertain people that way. Yeah ok, like I'm gonna call them. But well Shelly who has by now had a few of the jello cocks herself I'm imagining begins to start flashing the camera. Now thankfully we have censors who shield our eyes from horrific sights such as this, but just the thought of this thing being naked is making my stomach week.

Shelly then begins to do karaoke of … Silver Bells I think it was. Jesus Christ was this not the worst thing my ears have ever heard. I mean they showed the entire song too, it was like fuck man this shit is horrible please cut it out. Next we see that Shelly has gone out into the hot tub in her clothes and is making a scene.
Well now friend Howard from above somehow now is in charge and telling Shelly to get out of the hot tub. Shelly just doesn't want to listen to this and keeps kicking and playing around. Some of Anna's friends (E! channel people maybe) finally take Shelly up into a hallway upstairs where she actually shoves this one lady down and is jumping up and down and smacking the two of them. I mean it was like an episode of cops, all the while a clean a sober Anna is narrating the episode. I mean fuck, if that was my party I'd be paying people off to keep their mouth shut.

This show really doesn't offer anything of any substance at all. It's a perfect example of how bad shit is on television, I'm sure I'm dumber for even having watched it. Where the Osbournes is great and showcases a behind the scenes look at the fantastic creature that is family, Anna shows that while you can take the girl our of the trailer park, you can never really take the trailer park out of the girl.

Downs

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