Who do you think you are? With your horse and buggy’s and your butter churns. What makes you so special that you can’t jump on the gravy train of progress like the rest of us? Modern technology too good for you? Well excuse the heck out of me. Walking around your farms with your black cowboy hats, suspenders and your unfashionable beards. Raising barns all over the place. Leading this unassuming, self-sufficient, God fearing lifestyle. You can have it. I want no part of it. I know what your life is all about. I’ve seen “Witness”, starring Harrison Ford, quite a few times and this is one Englishman that prefers this decadent, modern lifestyle I’m livin’. I’m not sure if you’ve seen the movie, well I guess you couldn’t have, but the last thing I need is to get up at 4 a.m. every morning, milk cows and get picked on by “Townies” with ice cream cones. No thank you. Have you ever reconsidered your beliefs just a little bit? Maybe even a smidge? You wouldn’t have to jump into the deep end right away. Wouldn’t you like to have maybe just a little electricity? Not a lot. Just a little bit. You could have one electrical outlet in the house. Just one and it could be in the bedroom. You wouldn’t even have to use it. You could plug in a little night light, so you don’t trip over your boots when you try to make your way to the outhouse for a squirt in the middle of the night. That wouldn’t be so bad would it? I’m not asking you go out and get a big screen television. How about just a little black and white one. You don’t even have to get cable, just use the antennae. You could turn it on for a couple of minutes, turn it off, say a prayer of forgiveness, then turn it on again and catch the last quarter of the Bills game. If I were one of these Amish fellas and have the knowledge I have now, the first question I’d be asking myself is “Why?” Actually maybe not why, but more importantly who? Who decided that living an 18th century lifestyle was the appropriate time to cut ourselves off from the evolution of the rest of the planet? Who was the guy who said to everyone in the community, “You know what? We’ve got a pretty good system going here. We’ve got axes, sheep, fruit preserves, lots of quilts and all the lamp oil we could ever need. I think this the way we should live the rest of our lives. It can’t get any better than this? Can it? Besides. God told me so, deal with it.” If I had the opportunity to meet this guy, I’d probably pop him one right across the chin. Actually, I couldn’t because I’m Amish. So maybe I’d think some really mean thoughts or feed a whole bunch of beets to his horses. Man, he’d be smelling those stinky horse farts on his buggy ride all the way home. Take that Samuel!