I’m talking about the Christmas music people! Like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, radio stations are going to be slipping in all the classic holiday hits between your normal top ten schlock. You will not be able to escape it. No matter what music station you’re listening to a Christmas classic will be thrown into the mix.

“In just a moment we’re going to play the new hit by German death metal band, Satan’s Lederhosen, but first here’s Jingle Bells!”

Pow! Right between the eyes! One minute you’re listening to “Iron Man” by Sabbath and the next it’s Bruce Springsteen’s version of “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town.” Yowzers! In situations like this my Ebenezer Scrooge motor reflexes take over and I frantically attempt to change the station to something less Christmassy. Obviously, I’m not a big fan of the Christmas music. I still hold a grudge against my elementary school teachers for burning the lyrics of “Silver Bells” into my brain for all eternity. No amount of alcohol or mind expanding narcotic has been able to burn those particular memory cells out of my brain, no matter how hard I’ve tried. But there are these special individuals who can’t get enough of the holiday tunes. Once December 1st rolls around they’re trolling the radio dial for some holiday cheer. Poor hapless souls looking for their Christmas fix. They’re must be quite a few of these people because now we have the option of listening to Christmas music…24 hours a day!

24 hours a day?! 24 hours a day?! That’s right 24 hours a friggin’ day. I guess some geniuses in the radio business figured out that stations that play a lot of Christmas music have tendency to get higher ratings during the month of December. In July, not so good. So of course it only makes sense to have a radio station that dedicates its entire music program schedule to that thing that is Christmas. All day long, get all the Jingle Bells you would ever need! No rockin’ the casbah on this station, but they do deck those halls 24/7 partner! Yeah! Whoo hoo!

That’s a lot of Christmas music. A real lot. Personally I’m worried about the mental welfare of people who need to listen to this much of the holiday tunes. Listening to this much “happy” music has got to have some kind of negative affect on person. I’m pretty sure that in some third world countries this practice is used to torture political prisoners, isn’t it? I can only imagine.