You know the shows that I'm talking about right? Let me run down a few of the titles and maybe you will know what I'm talking about. Queen Of Swords, Beastmaster, Relic Hunter, Mutant X, Black Scorpion, Sheena, Tracker and the eloquently titled, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's The Lost World. All weekend, in the early afternoon or early evening, one or all of these shows is broadcast. Still not familiar with these shows? Let me give a quick synopsis of some of them so you'll have an idea of what you're missing.
Queen Of Swords - Essentially Zorro, but with a female lead. Cute. Generic 19th century California setting with many full-breasted women wearing stereotypical long skirts and off the shoulder blouses, as well as grizzled desperadoes causing havoc every week. Frenetic swordplay runs rampant in every episode. Ahem.
Sheena - Full-breasted jungle woman protecting her home from poachers, treasure hunters and more poachers. She can also transform into jungle animals if need be. Neat.
Relic Hunter - In the same vein of Indiana Jones, Tia Carrere plays a full-breasted university professor who occasionally goes on adventures and tries to hunt down relics.
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's The Lost World - A bunch of explorers are stranded on a mysterious plateau surrounded by dinosaurs, surly natives and other dangers. They are befriended by a full-breasted jungle girl (note: Not Sheena) and endeavor to escape the perils of the plateau. Yikes!
Black Scorpion - A police officer decides to take the law into her own hands in order to avenge her father's death by donning the full-breasted disguise of the mysterious Black Scorpion. On a weekly basis she can be seen battling unbelievable amounts of full-breasted villainesses in her quest for vengeance. Batman, she ain't!
Beastmaster - Guy talks to animals. Fights people. Eh.
Based on these synopses, I'm sure you can ascertain a common element found in all of these shows. Adventure! From top to bottom, these shows have only one goal in mind and that is to rock your world with non-stop action and hair-raising exploits for one commercial filled hour. Granted, if you've ever seen one of these shows I'm sure you'll agree that Masterpiece Theatre this is not. But as far as mindless entertainment goes these shows will pretty much get a perfect score from the Russian judges. After recovering from an evening of consuming too many vodka martini's and arguing with Matt Drudge about the dangers of ergonomic keyboards all night, the last thing I want to watch the next afternoon is something that makes me think. Now if you will excuse me, Mutant X is on. Whoa…full-breasted mutants!
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